Uncle

Extended family. Lockdown. And this one is your uncle.

She was going to post it as

Fish or Chicken? Cudn’t choose so it has to be both.

She had already snapped the picture before she realized that he had stuck his face into it at the last moment.
“Uncle!”
He was laughing his gurgling laughter and digging in her plate and stealing her fish onto his own plate and then running off into the sitting room.
“Uncle!!!” she ran after him half-laughing, half-crying.

In the sitting room, as in all the other rooms, there was soft music playing in the background: Michael Tyrell’s The Key of David.

On the sofa Grandma and Mother were in the middle of a story, “--- the money was strewn all over the floor, packed in a heap, I tell you. If he wanted to give the man money for fuel he just asked him to walk in and pick a bundle or something---”

In the room to the right the twins were arguing and swearing and banging on their game controls, eyes wide and unblinking in front of the plasma TV screen. You couldn’t hear any of the soft music if you entered there. The sound of the Eve Online they were playing was raised so that even they could not hear themselves unless they shouted. Uncle ran in there and stopped, standing rigidly. They paused the game and looked up. The soft music raised its head up into the silence, gasping for air from the suffocating. Seeing Uncle rigid the boys looked at each other. Just then, Dorie came bounding in excitedly after Uncle. She too became wary, perusing Uncle’s inscrutable face. He was peering sternly at the boys through slit eyes.
“You’d better destroy that volume,” the words came out restrained with military patience.

The boys reduced the volume, obviously shaken. He turned solemnly with the plate in his hand, and looking very serious, walked past Dorie, Dorie still taken aback. Once he was safely outside the room, gurgling laughter escaped his throat and he ran off again. Dorie shrieked and pursued. He ran circles around Grandma and Mother.
“Mummy tell Uncle to give me my fish o” but Dorie didn’t manage to sound pitiable.
“So you can snap it and post online for innocent people to be salivating, abi?” Uncle retorted. “And they will start booking you as the girlfriend that will be cooking for them when you haven’t even been in university up to a year”

“Shebi I am the one cooking dinner? Your meat will disappear”
“Is that a threat?” Uncle tried to sound serious.
“And your egg too tomorrow morning”
Uncle stopped where he stood. His eyes went wide and he clutched his chest like his heart had been broken and he was going to faint.
“Uncle, give me my fish o”
He fell to the ground without stopping himself, the plate broke and its contents splattered all over the floor. Grandma rose, ran to him.
“Come, which kind of play is that one?” Mother shouted at Uncle.
Grandma had reached his side, the picture of worry. “See if he has a bone stuck---”
“What bone?” Mother strafed, “it’s only the foolish play that last-borns play”

Uncle’s mouth was quite open. Dorie put a finger below his nose. There was no breath. She tickled him. He did not move. Then his body began to writhe and he was frothing at the mouth. His eyeballs had rolled themselves up. Dorie screamed. The boys heard it, came running. Mother stood up and came over. Seeing, she froze. Regaining herself she snatched out her phone frantically, dialling her husband’s number. Dorie was whimpering.
“Carry him to the sofa” Grandma told the boys, her voice was shaky. “Dorie, go wake your uncle”. For a moment Dorie looked askance at Grandma, what uncle again? and then she ran upstairs where Big Uncle was sleeping.

Big Uncle was rubbing his eyes when she burst in upon him.
“Who was screaming? Dorie, why are you crying?”
“Uncle is having a seizure”
They bounded down the stairs. Near the sitting room they heard the sound of gurgling laughter.
“What if you had given Grandma a heart attack!” Mother was shouting.
“She forgot she was the one who healed me herself?” and Uncle laughed even louder.